Today.

(I just took a deep breath)

On this day 10 years ago my world changed forever. May 13th was the day my Dad passed  away. By far the hardest day of my life. A day that will forever be in my back of my mind. A day where i lost a big part of my heart.

If you've been following my blog for a while now then you've heard me talk about my Dad and how much he still plays a huge role in my life. 

I can't believe it's been 10 years. I am so thankful to have so many amazing people in my life who have helped me get through such a difficult time. Not a day goes by that I don't think about my Dad or some sort of memory of him. I am also thankful to of had such an inspiring role model as a father growing up. His positive attitude and huge heart has been a big part of who I am today.

Today we are having a celebration of life in honour of my Dad. We've invited lots of family and friends over and we're going to tell stories about him and talk about how incredible he was! I am so looking forward to seeing so many wonderful people who knew and loved my Dad as much as all of us did. 

The anniversary this year falls on Mother's day so I'm going to do another post all about my mom tomorrow :)

Below is a little something I wrote that I hope to include in my book some day. I know it's really sad, but it's totally how I feel. Sometimes it's nice to do a blog post with some real heart. 

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The father/daughter dance.

I want to get real for a second here.

I want to share something that is sad. It's something that crosses my mind often and just thinking about it breaks my heart actually.

So, if you've been reading my blog for a while you will know that my Dad passed away just before I turned 18. It was and still is the hardest thing i have ever had to deal with in my life. I know I am stronger today because of it, but I still have those days. Days where I just want to sit in my bed and cry, or look at pictures of him, dream about him, just remember him.

Since losing my Dad, every time I am watching a movie about a wedding or at a wedding and I see the father / daughter dance is coming up next, I freeze. This instantly brings tears to my eyes, makes my stomach drop and is a constant reminder about how much I miss him.

I think about my own wedding day when ever it may be, and I picture walking down the aisle on my wedding without my Dad at my side. It hurts so much that he won't be there. I wish he was here with me every single day and there is nothing I wouldn't do to have him back, even if just for one more day. And then, the dance. That dance that is so perfect and beautiful. I love seeing them at weddings and I think they are so wonderful, but every time…I can't help but think of my Dad and how badly I wish he could be there with me in that moment. 

Now when we're at weddings, and the time comes for the father daughter dance, the lights dim and the cute song comes on and there they are, Daddy and his little girl - sharing this amazing dance. Pete's so sweet and without either of us saying anything at all, he will hold my hand tighter, or pull me close to him or rub my back because he just knows. He knows how much it breaks me.

But, i know he will be there with me in spirit. I truly believe he watches over me every day and that makes me so happy.

I am going to ask my brothers to walk be down that aisle if that day ever comes :) The most amazing guys in my life. I have done my best to turn this hard experience in to something positive. I want to write a book that will help someone else get through this time in their life. I want them to find comfort in my stories and take the advice I have for them. But for now... a little advice to you -

call your dad, your mom, or someone you love today and remind them amazing they are and how much you love them.

I am thankful that I always did this and continue to do so now. It's such a special thing.


XOXO